Author: artsmuklermd

Art Smukler, MD was born and raised in Philadelphia, went to college and medical school in Pennsylvania, and completed his psychiatric training at UCLA. He is a board-certified psychiatrist, specializing in the treatment of adults with a subspecialty in adolescents. As a member of the UCLA faculty, he ran an award-winning psychotherapy conference for psychiatric residents and received the coveted “Golden Ear” award. He has published in psychiatric journals, and won the award for excellence in creative writing at The Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Now a full-time author, he applies his deep understanding of the human psyche to the motivations of his fictional characters.

GROWING THE ONION, by Art Smukler, author & psychiatrist

by artsmuklermd, posted in Childhood Trauma, Psychiatry, Self Examination, Writing

Listening to a person’s politically incorrect, unedited story, is often more exciting than reading a novel. And what if the story is so amazing that it changes your life?

When a 40-year-old man came to my office complaining of depression, anxiety, sleeplessness and helplessness, I thought he was just another nice guy who needed to be treated for a Major Depression. Boy was I wrong. He did have a Major Depression, but he wasn’t just another nice guy.

When he was five years old, his hip started to hurt. Eventually, he was diagnosed with Legg Perthes Disease, a congenital hip abnormality. The part that took away my breath was that the treatment was ONE YEAR OF HOSPITALIZATION AT COMPLETE BEDREST. Within weeks he was moved from his home in Philadelphia to The Children’s Seashore House of Atlantic City, sixty miles away. His parents had three other kids to raise and worked long hours to make ends meet. Understandably, it was a struggle for them to visit him one or two times a month. This little five-year-old had to survive all by himself!

Back in the fifties and sixties, it was commonplace for Philadelphia families to rent modest summer homes in south Jersey. Mom and the kids would stay there the whole summer and Dad would visit on the weekends. That’s what my family also did, and I distinctly remember seeing dozens of frightened little children in wheelchairs when I would walk on that exact beach.

My patient’s situation became my obsession. He didn’t remember much about the experience, but that didn’t stop me from filling in the blanks with my own story. What if things happened that caused him to have nightmares? What if his whole family was inexplicably killed and then the killers were after him? What if the only way he could save himself was to remember what happened back when he was five years old? What if the only person who could help him was his lab partner in medical school, a woman who wouldn’t even talk to him?

I know all about depression, repression and denial. I know about the early wounds that create depressed adults. And I clearly remembered a girl from medical school who perfectly fit the role I needed. Joe Belmont, a tough Italian street kid and Karen Levine, a beautiful, psychologically minded woman were born. Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery was the result.

Psychiatrists and stories are like Superman and Lois Lane. One without the other creates a palpable void. What a treat to grow an onion instead of just peeling back the layers.

Skin Dance, a mystery, will be available soon.

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WHO REALLY CHOOSES YOUR SPOUSE? by Art Smukler, author & psychiatrist

by artsmuklermd, posted in Childhood Trauma, Psychiatry, Self Examination

How do you choose your spouse? Is it free will or some other “method”?

“She was a knockout. It was love at first sight.”

“We sat next to each other in class and one thing led to another.”

“He was the only one who wasn’t obsessed with sports. We had so much in common.”

Is it that simple? Lust? Common experience? Meshing personalities?

I don’t think so. Year after year, I listen to the underlying reasons. Most of the time, what is apparent is that ancient parental conflicts do the “picking” for us. The cold and abusive father, the distant and unavailable mother, the father who abandoned the family, the good-time, flirty mother… All are recycled in our choice of spouses.

Why? Why are spouses picked by the conflicts that tortured us? For sure it’s not a conscious decision. Who in their right mind would marry someone who perpetuates the pain of our childhood? No one! Once again, it’s the unconscious at work.

We keep trying to prove, over and over, that mommy  and daddy really did love us. Getting a spouse to do what a parent never did is the object. We’ve replaced our parent with our spouse and can now spend the rest of our lives trying to get him or her to do what dad and mom never could. Or, we pick the exact opposite, and that leads to another set of problems.

Does this happen all the time? Of course not. There are many good marriages. But it happens enough to give us all something to think about. Anytime we substitute an object from our past with an object from the present, there can be major problems. We expect too much or too little from our spouse and get furious when our needs aren’t met. How can our expectations be realistic when they’re driven by old unconscious wounds?

What’s there to do about it?

Examine your needs, your past, and whether your expectations are unreasonable. Would you expect anyone else to behave the way you’re expecting your spouse to behave? Probably not. Get your expectations in line with reality and your chances of having a happy marriage will improve exponentially.

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