DONALD TRUMP AND THE BATTERED WIFE SYNDROME, by Art Smukler MD, author & psychiatrist

Everyone has an opinion about why Donald Trump is still the Republicans’ #1 candidate.

His politically incorrect stance on immigration, foreign policy, trade, Muslims, and even on beating up people who disrupt his speeches, is a combination of appalling, intriguing, and flat out entertaining.

Many of his supporters don’t seem a bit bothered by his bullying style. He has stated that if fellow Republicans say anything that is not accurate or a lie it will be his pleasure to sue them. Geez. Maybe if I say the wrong thing he’ll sue me and the notoriety will make me famous enough to sell my books. On the other hand, I don’t know any psychiatrists with an eight billion dollar war chest. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t sue me…

But, back to, Why is this man who has been identified as grandiose, narcissistic, brilliant, a fool, and dozens of other colorful adjectives, still the front-runner and gaining every week in the polls?

There’s a concept in psychiatric thinking that seems to answer the question. It’s called Identification with the Aggressor. Another way to look at it is that the weak find solace and strength in the powerful.

Think about the battered wife who goes out of her way to hide her bruised body and protect the man who regularly harms her. Her perverse logic is that he’s really a good man who can’t help himself. The truth, if she ever has the strength to face her real feelings, is that she believes she desperately needs him. He is the strength that she doesn’t have and without him she believes she will surely fail. She identifies with the bully’s strength and can function better because his strength is now her strength.

So are The Donald’s supporters all like battered wives?

Maybe…

For years we have helplessly endured a pathetic, weak congress who have led our country into a dysfunctional mess. Then along comes a billionaire who couldn’t care less what he says or who he offends. It’s exciting and heady being able to tell the establishment to go to hell. It’s fun watching and listening to someone tell all these professional politicians that they are incompetent fools.

On the other hand, letting a bully loose in the world schoolyard is very dangerous. Just like the battered wife loses her identity as a human being, we risk losing who we are as a democracy and a country that thrives and encourages diversity.

So what’s the answer? Let our current politicos abuse us or let The Donald abuse us?

We don’t have to let anyone abuse us! We are not battered wives or husbands or need to be a battered electorate. Vote for the people you believe in. Forget what party they belong to! Focus on what they can do to solve our current dilemmas. We don’t have to identify with a man we don’t believe in just because he’s not afraid to say whatever thought passes through his mind.

Art Smukler is an award-winning psychiatrist and author of Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, Skin Dance, a mystery, and The Man with a Microphone in his Ear. All are available as paperbacks and eBooks.

I KNOW WHAT HEROES ARE MADE OF… by Art Smukler MD

In horrific detail, we learned from the Joe Paterno nightmare that having the most victories in college football can become meaningless. The McCourts taught us that tons of money and greed are just wrong. Donald Trump made it clear that power and arrogance may sell TV spots, but it’s not a style we wish to emulate.

Victories, money and power are all interesting, but for me there is a much simpler way to bring value to the world.

Listen.

Really hear what a person is saying. Respond to his concerns. Don’t spend your time while he’s talking formulating your response; so your story tops his story. If you really listen, the person you’re hearing feels better about himself, feels better about you, and wants to be your friend. You become special and he feels special.

Imagine what it’s like for a child to be heard, for a parent or aunt or uncle to crouch down to his level and take the time to understand what his concern might be. The reassurance that comes from being appreciated and understood can obviate the need for hundreds of victories, greed and power. It creates a sense of inner peace and satisfaction.

I had an uncle who really listened. He wore shapeless turtleneck sweaters and baggy corduroy pants, decided at the age of fifty to become a psychologist, and went out of his way to appreciate the wisdom of the person he was listening to.

I know what heroes are made of…