Inside the mind of a psychiatrist – Page 133 – Inside The Mind of a Psychiatrist

When was the last time you were actually free? You know, filled with passion and wildness, the guy with long hair and a headband and the gal in a tie-dyed dress swaying in unison to the Grateful Dead.

Back “in the day”, there was no dream too big or “mountain too high”. March on Washington to stop the war in Viet Nam. Stop racial bigotry! Burn your bra and announce to the world that women have arrived!

Then BOOM, you’re an adult. Career success means putting in 12 hour days. Child rearing entails devoting hundreds of hours to soccer and carpools, and strategizing about college. It’s understandable. They need you and their dream for the future has become your dream.

But what happened to YOUR personal dream? Did you achieve it? Is there time left for a new one? Is life just paying the bills and fantasizing about retiring and watching your kids live their lives? Maybe they’ll march on Washington to stop the disgrace and abuse of our financial institutions; or stop the importing of Middle East oil; or stop Iran before it puts its nuclear ICBM into action? Maybe we can help?

The “establishment” is rigid and usually uncreative (Look at our government). Because we’re old enough to be in the “establishment”, doesn’t mean we have to play by their rigid rules. Bill Maher broke the rule with the movie Religulous, showing the fallacy of all forms of organized religion. John Stewart breaks the rules every evening on The Daily Show.

What rules can we break and move our world forward? Our brains never have to stop evolving. Being a follower without really understanding what we’re following is stupid and unproductive. Cross whatever line needs crossing and break whatever rule needs breaking. We need to replenish the gap that Steve Jobs left. Who says it can’t be one of us?

In horrific detail, we learned from the Joe Paterno nightmare that having the most victories in college football can become meaningless. The McCourts taught us that tons of money and greed are just wrong. Donald Trump made it clear that power and arrogance may sell TV spots, but it’s not a style we wish to emulate.

Victories, money and power are all interesting, but for me there is a much simpler way to bring value to the world.

Listen.

Really hear what a person is saying. Respond to his concerns. Don’t spend your time while he’s talking formulating your response; so your story tops his story. If you really listen, the person you’re hearing feels better about himself, feels better about you, and wants to be your friend. You become special and he feels special.

Imagine what it’s like for a child to be heard, for a parent or aunt or uncle to crouch down to his level and take the time to understand what his concern might be. The reassurance that comes from being appreciated and understood can obviate the need for hundreds of victories, greed and power. It creates a sense of inner peace and satisfaction.

I had an uncle who really listened. He wore shapeless turtleneck sweaters and baggy corduroy pants, decided at the age of fifty to become a psychologist, and went out of his way to appreciate the wisdom of the person he was listening to.

I know what heroes are made of…