STARBUCKS & FACIAL HAIR, A RESEARCH PROJECT, by Art Smukler, author & psychiatrist

Being a famous, author & psychiatrist (well maybe not famous, but 2 out of 3 isn’t bad), I decided to do a non-double-blind study on the incidence of facial hair. I ordered a grande half-cafe and a blueberry scone and parked myself in a comfortable chair. Being a careful researcher, I ordered the half-cafe so I wouldn’t be too amped up, and the scone so I wouldn’t pass out from malnutrition.

Using all my observational, psychiatric skills, I sipped my coffee, munched on the scone, and counted. This erudite study, which lasted about 45 minutes, showed that 85 out of 100 had some form of facial hair. There was one woman with a heavy shadow above her lip, but in the end, I decided not to include women.

So why are men so into hirsuitism? There was a time when only hippies, long-in-the-tooth poets, and backwoods Appalachian moonshine distillers had facial hair, but according to my sophisticated research, times have definitely changed.

Hair makes you look cool. If Brad Pitt and Mark Wahlberg are examples, it’s just a matter of time before the ladies will begin to pound down your door.

Who wants to shave every morning? Gillette makes a fortune and men waste hundreds of hours during their lifetime trying to get every little bit of stubble erased from their faces.

Country-Western music is definitely the in-thing. Is there a respectable male singer, other than the late Johnny Cash, who doesn’t have facial hair?

I tossed my cup in the trash and went home, a wiser man.

Then, I looked in the mirror. I had a stubble beard! Move over Mark! I’m on my way to Hollywood.

Dr. Art Smukler is the award winning writer of Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, Skin Dance, a mystery, and The Man with a Microphone in his Ear. All are available as paperbacks and eBooks.

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