Author: artsmuklermd

Art Smukler, MD was born and raised in Philadelphia, went to college and medical school in Pennsylvania, and completed his psychiatric training at UCLA. He is a board-certified psychiatrist, specializing in the treatment of adults with a subspecialty in adolescents. As a member of the UCLA faculty, he ran an award-winning psychotherapy conference for psychiatric residents and received the coveted “Golden Ear” award. He has published in psychiatric journals, and won the award for excellence in creative writing at The Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Now a full-time author, he applies his deep understanding of the human psyche to the motivations of his fictional characters.

A PSYCHIATRIST THINKS ABOUT PORN STAR STORMY DANIELS AND DONALD TRUMP, by Art Smukler, author & psychiatrist

January 28, 2018January 28, 2018 by artsmuklermd, posted in Politics, Psychiatry, Self Examination, World events, a psychological view

The mind of this psychiatrist is very focused on the porn star Stormy Daniels (real name is Stephanie Clifford), and her alleged affair with Donald Trump. What? Another sicko shrink obsessed and focused on sex? Untrue! Not sicko! But yes, definitely a shrink and yes on sex and obsessed.

There was a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research showing that men think about sex 19 times a day and women 10 times a day. Another obscure tally shows that men think about sex 7 times a minute! Wow. Not much time to become a gold-plated billionaire…

On 1/26/18 Stormy visited a Vegas strip club and allowed some “lucky” men to take pictures with her and fondle her breasts. Hmm. I wasn’t there and didn’t do any fondling, but I read about it in the LA Times. My wife was sitting right beside me at the breakfast table. Honest!

So why should a shrink be obsessed and interested in strippers, sex and very attractive Stormy Daniels? Well, since you didn’t ask, I’ll tell you anyway. I wrote SKIN DANCE, a mystery, about a psychiatrist, Jake Robb, who goes to a strip bar and what follows is an exercise in psychological prowess and courage (I actually took a course in how to start and run a strip bar — background research!).

But, why do so many men avail themselves the services of prostitutes and strippers when they are married and supposedly happy? Molly Bloom, in the recent movie MOLLY’S GAME said it well. She was running a high-stakes poker game in Los Angeles and one of the players told her how much he loved her. She responded (I’m paraphrasing), “You all love me. I surround you with all the forbidden things — sexy women, alcohol, gambling, and someone showing you a lot of attention without the expectation that you have to give it back. All the things you don’t get at home.” Men may make a lot of money and score touchdowns, but deep inside are needy and long for love (often in the form of sex).

So Donald Trump had a pregnant wife, wasn’t getting his share of validation and “intimacy with release” and sought it elsewhere. Somewhat understandable — especially if one is a full-out narcissist. So he chose a consenting porn star (Not from Russia), paid her a lot of money, and then more money to keep it hush-hush. No law against any of it. Stormy wasn’t coerced or threatened; she sold sex for profit to a lonely, needy man.

This is the most understandable of Trump’s many HUGE transgressions. Wouldn’t it be interesting if this was the one that finally brought him down?

CHOOSING A SPOUSE; LOGIC OR SOMETHING ELSE? by Art Smukler MD, author & psychiatrist

January 20, 2018January 21, 2018 by artsmuklermd, posted in Childhood Trauma, Psychiatry, Self Examination

I’m taking a break from writing about all the illogical people in Washington; since compromise is way too logical for them… So instead I’ve picked a really logical subject to understand — marriage and how we pick our spouses.

Wait! Did I say logical? Hah. Not exactly. Now we have to deal with the logic of the unconscious.
You doubt me. You think that you chose your spouse logically, by your own free will?

“She was a knockout. It was love at first sight.”
“We sat next to each other in class and one thing led to another.”
“He was the only one who wasn’t obsessed with sports. We had so much in common.”

Is it that simple? Lust? Common experience? Meshing personalities?

I don’t think so. Year after year, for 500 years, I’ve listened to the underlying reasons. Most of the time, what is apparent is that ancient parental conflicts do the “picking” for us. The cold and abusive father, the distant and unavailable mother, the father who abandoned the family, the good-time, flirty mother — All are recycled in our choice of a spouse.

Why? Why are spouses picked by the conflicts that tortured us? For sure it’s not a conscious decision. Who in their right mind would marry someone who perpetuates the pain of our childhood?

Once again, it’s the unconscious at work. Freud ‘s concept of Repetition Compulsion is still alive and valid. We keep trying to prove, over and over, that mommy and daddy really did love us. Getting a spouse to do what a parent never did is the object. We’ve replaced our parent with our spouse and can now spend the rest of our lives trying to get him or her to do what daddy and mommy never could. Good luck. There’s a reason 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Does this happen all the time? Of course not. There are many good marriages. But it happens enough to give us all something to ponder. Anytime we substitute an object(person) from our past with an object(person) from the present, there can be major problems. We expect too much or too little from our spouse and get furious when our needs aren’t met. How can our expectations be realistic when they’re driven by old unconscious wounds?

What’s there to do about it?

Sometimes nothing. Sometimes it just doesn’t work.

Sometimes it is wise to examine our own needs, the past, and whether our expectations are reasonable.

Would you expect anyone else to behave the way you’re expecting your spouse to behave when you use that obnoxious demanding tone? If you did, would they still be your friend?
Is there anyone else that you would dare to demand absolute, utter respect? Aren’t most friendships built on differing opinions? Are you capable of allowing your spouse a totally different perspective from yours? Some people from UCLA still have happy marriages when their spouse is from USC. Who would have thought?

Your ideas and thoughts are always welcome.

If you enjoyed reading, Inside the Mind of a Psychiatrist, you might also enjoy Dr. Smukler’s novels, Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, Skin Dance, a mystery, and The Man with a Microphone in his Ear. All are available as paperbacks and eBooks. Continue reading “CHOOSING A SPOUSE; LOGIC OR SOMETHING ELSE? by Art Smukler MD, author & psychiatrist” →