Raising Children – Page 8 – Inside The Mind of a Psychiatrist

Being first is a national pastime. The World Cup, the World Series, the Super Bowl, and now being the first celebrity to announce being transgender has taken society to a new and more inclusive level.

To be different used to be a curse. The goal was to fit in and be part of the group. Even dating outside of one’s religion was considered “dangerous” and wrong. As a teenager, I remember the angst and confusion I experienced when I wanted to date a girl who wasn’t Jewish.

With a lot of anxiety I brought up the issue to my uncle, the goto adult when a troublesome issue plagued me.

“So Uncle Bill, I kind of have a problem,” I said, during a slow time at the auto accessory store where I worked for him.

“What kind of problem?”

“I want to take out this girl. She’s really nice…, but she’s not Jewish.”

He nodded and said, “So what’s the problem?”

“She’s not Jewish.”

He nodded again and said, “So what’s the problem?”

I just stared at him, comprehension and relief overtaking me. “Thanks,” I said. “Thanks a lot”.

Validation and permission were and often are important. Uncle Bill’s reaction to a young Bruce Jenner asking what he should do about feeling like a girl, even though he is a boy, might have required a lot more thought and exploration. But, if the Uncle I so fondly remember stays true to my memory, he would have eventually hugged Bruce and supported his decision.

To support someone whose ideas and life seem not only “out of the box” but on a different planet, is not easy. It calls on us to ACCEPT what we instinctively feel to be wrong. To really hear and respect the right for an individual to be different from what “everyone” says he should be.

Often agreeing with “Everyone” is just another way of being safe and not taking the time and risk to evaluate what you really believe. Standing up against the majority always takes courage and the intellectual strength and curiosity to pose the question, “What do I really think?” And,”Do I have the courage to back up my idea with action?”

Bruce Jenner is a brave man. His courage will surely help other men and women have a better life.

Art Smukler is an award-winning psychiatrist and author of Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, Skin Dance, a mystery, and The Man with a Microphone in his Ear. All are available as paperbacks and eBooks.
Sent from my iPhone

Children are often willful, out of control and want what they want when they want it. Trying to reason with a two-year-old is pointless. Firm, reasonable limits need to be set. Naturally, the child is enraged, but soon he understands that he can’t run into the street because he might get hit by a car, and he can’t punch his baby brother just because he wants to.

Our position in Iraq is somewhat similar to dealing with a two-year-old who refuses to listen. The US stance is that there must be a coalition government formed with both Sunnis and Shiites. Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki has refused and appears committed to a Shiite Iraqi leadership. What should we do?

The more all of us learn about this ancient Islamic conflict, the more we get how logic won’t prevail. And now Iran and Syria are supporting their new best friend, the Iraqi Shiites, to eliminate the Sunni insurgents. Oh, and aren’t we doing the same!

If reason won’t prevail, we should do what we’d do with a two-year-old. Set limits. Pull our advisors out of Iraq and let the prime minister, or whoever replaces him, do whatever he wants — but without us.

If we only knew how complicated the issue between the Muslim rival factions was, chances are we would have found another solution to the “weapons of mass destruction” other than invading Iraq. But, NOW WE KNOW! Let’s use this knowledge and not get any more soldiers killed or maimed for a cause that just won’t respond to reason.

If people are determined to die for their religious beliefs, the least we can do is stay out of the line of fire. Let’s get our own House (of Representatives and Senate) in order. We have our own out-of-control two-year-olds who won’t listen to reason.

Art Smukler is the award-winning psychiatrist and author of Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, Skin Dance, a mystery, and The Man with a Microphone in his Ear. All are available as paperbacks and eBooks.