World events, a psychological view – Page 58 – Inside The Mind of a Psychiatrist

A grudge is defined as a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.

1400 years ago, after Mohammed died, the Caliphate was passed to Abu Bakr, one of Mohammed’s closest companions, rather than a blood relative of Mohammed. This is where the grudge started. Sunnis believe that the caliph should be elected or chosen for his ability and Shiites believe that it should be passed to a true inheritor or blood relative.

When the US went to war against Iraq to remove the weapons of mass destruction, it seemed like a simple in and out military excursion. Save the world and bring democracy to an area sorely in need of it. Now over a decade later, the Sunnis and the Shiites are still trying to destroy each other, not only in Iraq, but all over the Middle East.

What can reasonable people do to change hundreds of years of animosity? It appears that using conflict-resolution principles of discussing feelings and finding a middle ground have not been helpful. We’re not dealing with delusions and hallucinations that can be medicated away. We’re dealing with millions of people who are willing to die for their convictions.

My experience, although extensive, is limited to personal and family conflicts. But like with all therapeutic interactions, my goal has been to find the underlying conflict and try to help my patients find a solution. Religious zeal is always tough because there are millions of people who share the zeal. Darwinian, Muslim, Christian, Jew, Atheist or Mormon, the real beginnings of life still escape understanding. We’re stuck using the information we have in front of us. So here’s my thought…

Let’s start small. Are there any Sunnis married to Shiites? Any Jews married to Catholics? Believers in God married to Darwinians? Israelis married to Palestinians? Mormons married to Atheists? What’s it like? How are issues resolved? Can these principles be applied on a larger scale? Any other ideas? Sadly, having Notre Dame play Brigham Young on ESPN doesn’t solve the problem…

Art Smukler MD is the author of Skin Dance, a mystery, Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, The Man with a Microphone in his Ear, and the blog, Inside the Mind of a Psychiatrist.

Recently, two things happened that made me rethink the state of my own values.

First the bad news. A new patient left me a message that he didn’t want to see me anymore because I was too judgmental. Me judgmental? How is that possible? Then I thought about it for a while and shook my head. I am pretty judgmental about religion. My ex-patient had a good point. Who’d want to spend his time and money being judged? Parents and family can do that free of charge.

Now the good news. I commented in an on-line fiction group that when someone states what they believe, it is common courtesy to accept his or her belief. Trying over and over to push your belief, whether right or wrong, borders on abuse. Each of us has the right to our personal standards and ethics. Whether it’s abortion rights, gun control, immigration, or dancing in a strip bar, the right to a personal belief is essential. Often disagreements are fun and interesting. I think that trying to overwhelm someone with your belief, when they have clearly stated that they had enough, is not pleasant, helpful or respectful.

One writer commented;

Hear! Hear, Art. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
I lead an adult bible discussion group on Sunday mornings at First United Methodist Church in downtown Miami FL. Your standards, Art, so ably expressed, are the very essence of our group.
My point is, if a religious discussion group can hold to Art’s guidelines, why not a sophisticated group like writers?

So there you have it. Passion and intense feelings often overwhelm logical thinking and expression. We may cross boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, or if crossed, should be done as if treading on fragile explosives.

Insulting or being insensitive to someone’s core beliefs will NOT get them to change or respect your position. So what can? Education, life experience, and maybe really caring about the person with whom you have the disagreement.

When it comes to a successful human interaction, being right is often inconsequential.

Art Smukler MD is the author of Skin Dance, a mystery, Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, The Man with a Microphone in his Ear, and the blog, Inside the Mind of a Psychiatrist.