WOMEN. THEY ARE A COMPLETE MYSTERY, by Art Smukler, author

Stephen Hawking, a well-known, brilliant physicist, was interviewed by New Scientist magazine. When they asked the wheelchair bound, 70 year-old scientist what he thinks about most, he answered —

Women. They are a complete mystery.

Here’s a guy who writes books about how the universe began, and he’s stumped by a mere woman. Well Stephen, join the group. Most men are in the same quandary. So why are women so perplexing?

We’re usually physically stronger. We usually have more political power. Bias has kept women weaker in the marketplace. We can score touchdowns and they’re relegated to jumping around in skimpy outfits on the sidelines cheering for Brawny Bill, who just scored on an off-center, power-right play. They don’t even know what an off-center, power-right play means, nor do they care. So why do most of us with the little y gene lust to have one of them a part of our lives?

Guys, we can’t fight Mother Nature (note Mother not Father). They gave birth to us and we’re programmed to desperately desire to explore where we came from. Stephen, I hope you’re not insulted that I’m being so familiar, but the answer to the universe is lying right next to us in bed. Without that answer being so close, most men would spend an inordinate about of time and money looking for a replacement, often a younger and more compliant edition. Then after we have procured her, 50% of us get disappointed, divorced, and start the search all over again.

As my muse once said during a stressful time, How ’bout a piece of gingerbread cake? Maybe that’s the answer to the universe? Wait, isn’t gingerbread cake just a replacement for mother’s milk? Maybe we just need our mothers, but someone so disguised in Spandex and all the right curves that we can’t recognize her?

Maybe the universe works just fine keeping women a mystery…

Please don’t forget to leave a comment and subscribe to Inside the Mind of a Psychiatrist.