Category: Raising Children

I KNOW WHAT HEROES ARE MADE OF… by Art Smukler MD

by artsmuklermd, posted in Penn State, Psychiatry, Raising Children, Self Examination, Uncle Bill's Place, World events, a psychological view

In horrific detail, we learned from the Joe Paterno nightmare that having the most victories in college football can become meaningless. The McCourts taught us that tons of money and greed are just wrong. Donald Trump made it clear that power and arrogance may sell TV spots, but it’s not a style we wish to emulate.

Victories, money and power are all interesting, but for me there is a much simpler way to bring value to the world.

Listen.

Really hear what a person is saying. Respond to his concerns. Don’t spend your time while he’s talking formulating your response; so your story tops his story. If you really listen, the person you’re hearing feels better about himself, feels better about you, and wants to be your friend. You become special and he feels special.

Imagine what it’s like for a child to be heard, for a parent or aunt or uncle to crouch down to his level and take the time to understand what his concern might be. The reassurance that comes from being appreciated and understood can obviate the need for hundreds of victories, greed and power. It creates a sense of inner peace and satisfaction.

I had an uncle who really listened. He wore shapeless turtleneck sweaters and baggy corduroy pants, decided at the age of fifty to become a psychologist, and went out of his way to appreciate the wisdom of the person he was listening to.

I know what heroes are made of…

CHASING OUR PAST… IS IT REALLY NECESSARY? by Art Smukler MD

by artsmuklermd, posted in Psychiatry, Raising Children, Self Examination

How long does it take for early trauma to stop torturing us? By torture, I mean symptoms of anxiety, depression, nightmares, obsessions, social phobias, a loveless marriage, workaholism etc. Bad things happened to many of us when we were young — abuse, devaluation by insensitive parents, medical problems, abandonment, alcoholic neglect…

We all hoped that as the years passed, the emotional pain and hurtful memories would just go away and leave us alone. Unfortunately, most of the time it didn’t happen. Like a homeless man pushing his shopping cart filled with fourth-hand treasures wrapped in plastic bags, we carried our emotional baggage wherever we went, the early trauma sitting inside us like a ripe abscess, interfering with our capacity to make good choices and be at peace.

One 60 year-old man’s long-standing depression began to lift only after he was able to express the rage he felt toward his long-dead father. A 40 year-old woman who was molested thirty years earlier, finally started to be more social and outgoing AFTER she tracked down and confronted her now 70-plus year-old molester.

Remembering the past doesn’t make it worse. It gives us the chance to deal with the early traumas and finally gain mastery over them.

Chase your past! Force yourself to remember and discuss the taboo issues that you’ve kept so carefully hidden. I believe it will be helpful.