Category: Self Examination

Looking beneath the surface to understand why we do what we do

WOULD YOU RATHER? by Art Smukler, author & psychiatrist

by artsmuklermd, posted in Psychiatry, Self Examination

Do you remember the kid’s game, Would You Rather? Would you rather have pins in your eyes or your ears? Would you rather eat only hotdogs or only ice cream for a week? And on and on…

What came to mind is the true story of Jack, a grade school friend, who was charged with Medicare fraud. Jack was a GP and sentenced to six months in a federal prison. The prison happened to be located on the same air force base in Florida, where I was stationed as a major (a psychiatrist) during the Viet Nam era. One “interesting” experience was the time that the base rabbi “invited” the medical staff to join him and his family as they hosted a bagels and lox brunch at the prison. The rabbi was a colonel and his “invitation” was actually a direct order. That morning dozens of doctors and prisoners shared the buffet and surprisingly, it was a pleasant experience.

Jack was incarcerated a few years after I completed my tour of duty, but the same rabbi was still hosting his monthly brunch. I assumed that Jack took full advantage of this prison perk.
A few years later, a good friend told me that after Jack got out of prison he decided to get divorced, give up his medical practice, and start a new life. Jack said, “Those six months were the best six months of my life. I never realized how miserable I was until I was sent to prison. It took prison to help me understand what I really wanted in life.” The last I heard, Jack had moved halfway across the country and was living “happily ever after”.

Our lives are finite and if we don’t make the most of them we waste an irreplaceable commodity. As most cancer survivors have learned, every moment we are alive and comfortable is a treasure.

What we show the world is often just the tip of the iceberg. Our true selves are often hidden below the surface, undiscoverable to the world and often to ourselves. Not only do we have the chance in Plato (*) to learn about subjects that interest us, we have more disposable time and this gives us more time to learn and think about who we really are and what we really want.

How many people give themselves the opportunity to listen to their own thoughts, and explore their own feelings? Do you need to have the radio on when you’re driving? How often do you just drive in silence or just sit in silence, letting your thoughts fill the void? Do you think about your dreams and take a shot at analyzing them? Do you ask friends and spouses what they observe about you and then do you take what they say and actually think about it?

Luckily, we have a chance to think about ourselves without having to get divorced or have a bagel brunch with the rabbi. Would you rather be in prison or be divorced? I choose neither. I choose to live each day with the opportunity to try and understand what’s really important to me. I recommend that for all of us.

*Plato is an independent group associated with UCLA that is dedicated to lifelong learning. It attracts all ages and many professors, physicians, lawyers, teachers, engineers, and anyone who loves the thrill of learning new things.

If you enjoyed reading, Inside the Mind of a Psychiatrist, you might also enjoy Dr. Smukler’s novels, Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, Skin Dance, a mystery, and The Man with a Microphone in his Ear. All are available as paperbacks and eBooks.

RETIRED? TAKE THE MOST UNIQUE, ONE-OF-A-KIND JOURNEY OF YOUR LIFE, by Art Smukler MD, author and psychiatrist

by artsmuklermd, posted in Psychiatry, Self Examination

WHERE? A place no one but you will ever visit.

WHEN? Now… Tomorrow… Whenever you choose.

HOW MUCH WILL IT COST? No money. Only time and courage.

Yep, you probably are on the verge of guessing it — a trip back to your past.

What does this have to do with retirement?

Time. Freedom. Enough money to get by on. All the tools that most of us never had before.

Like Janis Joplin and Kris Kristofferson sang in BOBBY MCGEE, Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose, nothing ain’t worth nothing but it’s free. Feeling good was easy lord when Bobby sang the blues. Feeling good was good enough for me, good enough for me and Bobby McGee.

I’m serious. When else in your life have you had the time to just hang out with yourself? No worries about getting good grades. No worries about making the football or dance team, no issues with your parents, getting a date Saturday night isn’t a big deal — every night is like a Saturday night and on and on.

Time’s running out. Often this is the endgame. How long will it last? Who knows? Ten years? Twenty years? Thirty? Who cares? It’s out of our hands. No power to predict.

But the power we have is significant. FREEDOM!

Remember your first date? What did she look like? What did she say? What did he say? What did you say? First kiss? First love? First fight? First job? First time you ate pizza. You get the idea.

Settle down in your favorite chair, in bed, on a bike, Starbucks, on a long car trip…anywhere, anytime. Let your thoughts wander. Have the courage to remember…the good, the bad, the ugly… Hey, what a great title. You think anyone has ever used that before? Ha Ha

It won’t be easy. Sometimes the pain might well up, just as powerfully as it did so long ago. But, so will the love, and excitement, and sense that life is a continuum, and we can retrace our steps.

Why?

It’s a chance to reconnect with our past, with friends and experiences we haven’t thought about in years. A chance to relearn what was important and what might still be important. Maybe even a chance to do what you never did, to feel again what you thought was gone forever.

It’s not too late to take the trip of a lifetime.

If you enjoyed reading, Inside the Mind of a Psychiatrist, you might also enjoy Dr. Smukler’s novels, Chasing Backwards, a psychological murder mystery, Skin Dance, a mystery, and The Man with a Microphone in his Ear. All are available as paperbacks and eBooks.