Writing – Page 52 – Inside The Mind of a Psychiatrist

So what happens when someone lies for years about something?

Duh. We don’t trust that person again.

Mistrust forever?

Maybe…

In a psychiatrist’s office, a common occurrence is marital infidelity. Often, that leads to divorce. It’s tough to believe someone who has looked you square in the eyes (or even not so square) and lied.

Now Lance wants to compete in triathlons, the wayward spouse wants to keep his home and possessions intact, the manipulative mortgage-loan banker wants to keep his job and not go to prison.

Some actions are deal breakers. How can you trust a person’s words if his actions were blatantly misleading?

So what about Lance Armstrong? What about your husband? What about our nation’s mortgage bankers?

My feeling is that a person who is a good liar continues to have that talent. If he wants to deceive me or you, there’s no reason he can’t succeed. Trust is a combination of what he says and how he acts. Saying “sorry” is fine, but what does it really mean? How does he really make amends? Is there a consistency to the apology?

It can take a lot of time to decide whether a liar has become a reformed liar. Whether you want to go through the process and give a liar another chance is your choice.

Are there any other issues you want to talk about before our session ends?

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Author of Chasing Backwards, a psychological mystery, The Man with a Microphone in his Ear, and Skin Dance, a mystery

What the heck is a writer’s soul?

Just my way of trying to describe the creative place where ideas and passion are first conceived.

Lately, I’ve been hooked on country music, the kind of stuff where lost love and dreams of the past, tear away at the walls that keep the forgotten 16-year-old locked away from our conscious minds. Remember your 1st love? Your 1st fight? Your 1st best friend? The troubled, idealistic Holden Caulfield trying to make the world a more honest place?

Back then we didn’t know or care about Republicans and Democrats, gun control or Gay Rights. We cared about love, friendship, and finding a way to make sense out of this huge, crazy world. We dreamed of a vague future, of glory on the ball field, of getting Betty or Robert to notice us and to reciprocate our love.

The pathway into the past, hidden by the layers of logic that come with adulthood, can be breached by just letting our mind wander to wherever it wants to go. That’s not so easy when the realities of making ends meet, raising kids, a job and working out marital issues are so right in our faces.

One way to start the journey inward is to really listen to music — country, jazz, oldies, classical, whatever — to allow it to carry you into the past or present or future — the same way just a tiny glance from the girl of your dreams would send you spinning for days at a time.

Another access to the past is through the sense of smell, the most primitive part of our brain. The scents of Thanksgiving with grandma, baking chocolate brownies with mom, even an odor that makes you cringe with disgust can send you spinning to a long forgotten place.

All our senses — sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste can do it. Leave the world of paying bills and fighting traffic and take a trip back to your past. That’s where the writer’s soul exists.

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